Alright,

I thought I might aswell update this "Journal" seeing as I haven't written anything in it since, last Feb (2005) and what I had wrote in it, was just some load of jibberish and crap that I didn't even understand.

I can hear alot of people exclaiming and asking what I've been upto, well, those that care anyways! You won't believe this, it's against my nasty nature but I have infact, been doing alot of head clearing and thinking over the last 14 months with everything.

As people know, I screwed up alot of lives and for no particular reason why. To be honest, I've done so much crap to people and have been through so much myself, I don't really know where to begin with it all. I suppose the beginning would be a good place to start.

Well, sometime in 2001, I met a guy, I was 13, he was 16 and we became such good friends. I fancied him, he fancied me, but then it all started to crumble on me. My parents didn't like him, and so I got banned immediately from him. I actually met him at my friends house, we stood outside with him for about a half hour, and then he left, with his mate. Later that night, he text me saying we couldn't be friends anymore, I couldn't cry, no matter how much I wanted too, so I froze myself out that night and went to sleep early. The next day, I got my parents to pick me up as soon as possible without giving anybody an explanation as to why. I just wanted to go home and I locked myself in my room. I never told anyone, how I was feeling, I just acted as if everything was normal.

A few months later, my x- friend (You'll learn why she is my X Friend later on)came into school, all happy and excited that she had got a boyfriend who lived in DK. They had alot of things in common, and I was really happy for her. Later, I started to talk to this guy, on the internet, I'll admit it, I fancied him, but I never thought I could sink as low as I did, then later, he introduced to me to his friend who was single, I'll admit it again, I fancied this other guy aswell, and to my amazement he "liked" me too, and things were going great. Both me and my friend had boyfriends who were like best mates too, it was all swell, but then came the moment, I dreaded. He wanted to see a picture of me, so I went to my friends house, and we went on camera. Dopey me, wore a cap and when I was on cam, they thought I was a boy, and my bf didn't fancy me at all, he thought I was ugly and boy-looking so he dumped me and I was actually really gutted although I was able to hold back tears and I carried on webcam, but then made the excuse up of feeling tired and I fell asleep.

After that, it was alright, but then I sunk lower, and I made this account up and started to talk to my friends bf as this amazingly, fake, pretty girl. I asked him out, he really didn't want too, he was so loved up with my friend, but I persuaded him too finish her for me and he did! Luckily, he found out that I was a fake and I told my friend everything, actually accusing my cousin of being the culprit, I was a jerk. I messed up everything.

I lost one of the best friendships I ever had. There was no excuse for what I did, I don't even know why I did it, I'm just really sorry for everything guys. I don't want your friendship, I don't deserve it, I deserve all the hatred you have for me and I will accept it because there is nothing else I can do. Though, if I could change the clock back, I would, I would do anything for your friendship. Luckily, you're back together now, I wish you all the luck, love and happiness in the world!

I just really am sorry. x